What is she going to do about it??
I haven't quite figured it out. I mean there are so many options out there. I can just eat lettuce or I can go strictly meat and nuts. Realistically though I am not going to keep either of those up very long ok even a day. I tried South Beach again last week and barely made it 3 days. So my choices are go it on my own or I could try Weight Watchers. I know some people who have had great experience with it and some who haven't changed at all.
I mean I know what to do- it is just the simple fact of doing it. Maybe I have too much pride to pay someone to tell me something I already know. I know WW is more than just that, but that is how I think - lie.
Exercise- You know I almost believe it when I say I would exercise for several hours if it meant I could eat anything I want. But if I am being real, then I know I won't. I will be happy and lucky to get in an hour most days meaning 5 days out of 7. I need 2 days to not feel like I have to do anything.
So here we go!
Monday, July 6, 2009
A little more history
In 2002, I reached my highest weight (not being pregnant). At that time, I got serious. I started watching what I ate, but I won't say I dieted. I just ate different things. Honestly I don't even remember what I ate before this time. I was in college and I started eating oatmeal for breakfast and chicken wraps. I also started running- ok so running/walking. I would walk and run switching back and forth on the treadmill. I also started yoga. I lost 30 pounds. My clothes fit better and I never actually went down a size which I guess means I was stuffing myself into my original clothes. I did this because at the time I was preparing for my wedding to my ex-husband. This loss was short lived as after we got married I went back to my old ways of eating. It is so hard not to when you have been doing that for over 10 years. But I wasn't happy and we didn't have a lot of money, so quick and not so healthy was the way I went.
For the next years, I had this magic number that I dare not go above in my head. I was always on the brink but never over. If I got too close, I would do a little something and take a pound or two off then keep on my merry way. Only it wasn't merry. I was and still am miserable with my body. I hate the way I look. The way I don't feel 'normal sized'.
Then in 2006 as I preparing for my wedding to Jason. I tried the south beach diet. And those first couple weeks worked. I don't know how much I lost, but it too didn't last. I got caught up in wedding this and that and my get healthy plan fell to the curb.
In 2007, we decided we were going to try to have a baby. I had dreamed of becoming fit and healthy before getting pregnant, but it didn't happen. Then at my first appointment the weigh in I was over my magic number. But you are not supposed to diet when you are pregnant, so I just let it go. I did good until about the end of the second trimester when I found out I could eat all the things I had avoided in the beginning due to morning sickness. All in all I gained 30 pounds. Which is the normal amount for someone who is in the healthy weight range. Not too bad I guess. After I had Jackson in May 2008, I; thanks to the awesomeness; of breastfeeding was back at my first appointment weight by 6 weeks. I had planned to cook dinners while on leave which never happened. Then when I went back to work I hardly had time to leave the house dressed, so getting something healthy for breakfast didn't happen. This also meant preparing my lunch didn't happen either. Then something wondrous happen at about 3-4 months post partum I self diagnosed myself as being hyperthyroid. I had been like this before except at the time I was not losing weight I was gaining it due to who knows what. But this time I was losing. It didn't matter what I ate I lost weight. Now while this is a great side effect, this disease is serious and can cause strokes and vision problems just to name a few. So I went to the doctor who prescribed me mediciation.
So when I started taking the medicine, I knew I had to start being better about what I ate as it returns your metabolism to normal. Throw in a couple extra months and now we are here today. I did not change my eating habits long term. Because my thyroid is now functioning normally I have gained 10 pounds back of the almost 40 I lost from my pre-pregnancy weight. You know even though I lost that much and I can wear a smaller size I still don't see myself any different. The only time I can tell is in some pictures.
But now today I probably need to lose 40 pounds to be in the healthy range for my height and not just on the outside.
But I want to take that number as a whole and break it down. Cause 40 is just too scary and too much. So I will start with losing the 10 I already gained back.
And while we are here, let me throw another lie at you. In my head, I think that my body isn't designed to be that small or I can't/will never achieve it. As my friend says the devil is a lie. Why can't I?? There is nothing wrong with me. I know my thyroid is correct (which if you are having problems have your doctor check it cause it can greatly affect your weight and how you feel). I think my calves will never be smaller than they are (which by the way are my least favorite part of my body)
For the next years, I had this magic number that I dare not go above in my head. I was always on the brink but never over. If I got too close, I would do a little something and take a pound or two off then keep on my merry way. Only it wasn't merry. I was and still am miserable with my body. I hate the way I look. The way I don't feel 'normal sized'.
Then in 2006 as I preparing for my wedding to Jason. I tried the south beach diet. And those first couple weeks worked. I don't know how much I lost, but it too didn't last. I got caught up in wedding this and that and my get healthy plan fell to the curb.
In 2007, we decided we were going to try to have a baby. I had dreamed of becoming fit and healthy before getting pregnant, but it didn't happen. Then at my first appointment the weigh in I was over my magic number. But you are not supposed to diet when you are pregnant, so I just let it go. I did good until about the end of the second trimester when I found out I could eat all the things I had avoided in the beginning due to morning sickness. All in all I gained 30 pounds. Which is the normal amount for someone who is in the healthy weight range. Not too bad I guess. After I had Jackson in May 2008, I; thanks to the awesomeness; of breastfeeding was back at my first appointment weight by 6 weeks. I had planned to cook dinners while on leave which never happened. Then when I went back to work I hardly had time to leave the house dressed, so getting something healthy for breakfast didn't happen. This also meant preparing my lunch didn't happen either. Then something wondrous happen at about 3-4 months post partum I self diagnosed myself as being hyperthyroid. I had been like this before except at the time I was not losing weight I was gaining it due to who knows what. But this time I was losing. It didn't matter what I ate I lost weight. Now while this is a great side effect, this disease is serious and can cause strokes and vision problems just to name a few. So I went to the doctor who prescribed me mediciation.
So when I started taking the medicine, I knew I had to start being better about what I ate as it returns your metabolism to normal. Throw in a couple extra months and now we are here today. I did not change my eating habits long term. Because my thyroid is now functioning normally I have gained 10 pounds back of the almost 40 I lost from my pre-pregnancy weight. You know even though I lost that much and I can wear a smaller size I still don't see myself any different. The only time I can tell is in some pictures.
But now today I probably need to lose 40 pounds to be in the healthy range for my height and not just on the outside.
But I want to take that number as a whole and break it down. Cause 40 is just too scary and too much. So I will start with losing the 10 I already gained back.
And while we are here, let me throw another lie at you. In my head, I think that my body isn't designed to be that small or I can't/will never achieve it. As my friend says the devil is a lie. Why can't I?? There is nothing wrong with me. I know my thyroid is correct (which if you are having problems have your doctor check it cause it can greatly affect your weight and how you feel). I think my calves will never be smaller than they are (which by the way are my least favorite part of my body)
Ok so I said I'd food and exercise journal- Day 1
Monday, July 6, 2009
Breakfast- One onion bagel with cream cheese and a diet coke
Snack- 4 pieces of celery with a wedge of laughing cow cheese
Lunch- Lean cuisine meal, watermelon and some pistachios.
Snack- Orange
Working on 2nd jug of water probably a 32 oz size.
Breakfast- One onion bagel with cream cheese and a diet coke
Snack- 4 pieces of celery with a wedge of laughing cow cheese
Lunch- Lean cuisine meal, watermelon and some pistachios.
Snack- Orange
Working on 2nd jug of water probably a 32 oz size.
Ok here we go- Day 1
So I can't bring myself to actually write down the number. I mean I know it and I am sure you could probably guess it, but I still can't write it down. First lie, the number on my drivers license is wrong. I know that I am not the only one out there who lies about it, but I don't want to lie. Side note- I don't know why they make you put it on there maybe they should go to ranges.
First truth, I am going to use this blog as motivation. I will food journal and exercise log my life. So I can see it in black and white and maybe one day I will get far enough away from my true current number that I will be willing to share this and it with everyone.
The person who sells the biggest lies about weight loss is myself. I have always found ways to sabotage my efforts and ultimately hurt my health. I know the truths that McDonalds cheeseburgers and fries and now those oh so yummy cookies are bad for me in calories, fats and carbs - ok in every way possible, but that doesn't stop me. When I go there, I just can not bring myself to order one of their salads or at least substitute fruits for fries.
I know that typical fast food is horrible for anyone trying to lose weight and heck even if you are trying to gain weight (who are these people??) there is a better way to go about it. But the dang convenience factor. I don't know what I used before as my excuse, but now it is that I work full time and raise my son.
Let me clear the air real quick I do not feed my son fast food junk. Usually if we get him anything from fast food it is grilled chicken and then we give him vegetables. I guess my excess weight that I have had my whole life has made me so passionate that he will not be like that. So I am very sensitive that he not get sweets and fried foods. Even though I seem to be battling this with my parents who insist that he have whatever they have. I keep promising them that he will forget and move on if he doesn't have a cookie or gummi bear.
Anyway, that has been my excuse. But I have decided that should also be my reason . My beautiful son who I want to be a role model for should see that his mom is both healthy and happy. Eventually when he finds his voice, how can I say you can't have a double cheeseburger with fries and coke even though mommy is eating it.
Another lie I sell myself is I don't need daily exercise. If I look around me I can't really think of anyone who does daily exercise so this is an easy one to buy. I mean sure some people do it if they are trying to lose weight, but I don't know anyone who does it just to do it. So if they don't do it, I don't need to right? Wrong. Daily exercise is key to getting and staying fit. I want to be able to remain limber and able to keep up with Jackson as he gets bigger.
And you want to know the saddest and biggest lie of all? Those of you who are naturally slim probably won't understand this, but those of you heavier like me might. I think I actually deserve to able to eat junk. And not just occasionally but like 3 times a day. Oh this one hurts to admit, that there are many days where I will eat out at fast food or a restaurant for every meal. Biscuit in the morning, burger at lunch and say mexican for dinner. Course that doesn't add in any sweets I decide that I deserve. I decide I deserve these things, because I had a bad day or even a good day, or I don't have time to do anything else or I forgot my breakfast or lunch or I am too tired to do dinner. Do you see the lies in there? And besides the impact on my waistline if you figure I do this every weekday for a month (not that I do/did this but for example sake) at $5 a meal. That is roughly $300!!! Ugh if that doesn't make your stomach hurt who knows what will.
I said naturally slim earlier and I want to say I live with one of those gifted people. My husband is and has always been slim - no matter what he eats. Believe me he is right there with me at the mexican restaurant eating the chips and cheese dip. His waist doesn't grow, he doesn't get an extra chin, nothing. So as hard as he may try he doesn't understand the struggles I have been through. On top of all that, he is so easy going even when I tell him not to let me eat out anymore, then if I ask him to pick something up on the way home he does it. So that means that my health falls to me. All me. I have to be the one to say no and to make sure I get the proper nutrients; I have to put on my shoes and walk around the block. No one else can make me healthier.
First truth, I am going to use this blog as motivation. I will food journal and exercise log my life. So I can see it in black and white and maybe one day I will get far enough away from my true current number that I will be willing to share this and it with everyone.
The person who sells the biggest lies about weight loss is myself. I have always found ways to sabotage my efforts and ultimately hurt my health. I know the truths that McDonalds cheeseburgers and fries and now those oh so yummy cookies are bad for me in calories, fats and carbs - ok in every way possible, but that doesn't stop me. When I go there, I just can not bring myself to order one of their salads or at least substitute fruits for fries.
I know that typical fast food is horrible for anyone trying to lose weight and heck even if you are trying to gain weight (who are these people??) there is a better way to go about it. But the dang convenience factor. I don't know what I used before as my excuse, but now it is that I work full time and raise my son.
Let me clear the air real quick I do not feed my son fast food junk. Usually if we get him anything from fast food it is grilled chicken and then we give him vegetables. I guess my excess weight that I have had my whole life has made me so passionate that he will not be like that. So I am very sensitive that he not get sweets and fried foods. Even though I seem to be battling this with my parents who insist that he have whatever they have. I keep promising them that he will forget and move on if he doesn't have a cookie or gummi bear.
Anyway, that has been my excuse. But I have decided that should also be my reason . My beautiful son who I want to be a role model for should see that his mom is both healthy and happy. Eventually when he finds his voice, how can I say you can't have a double cheeseburger with fries and coke even though mommy is eating it.
Another lie I sell myself is I don't need daily exercise. If I look around me I can't really think of anyone who does daily exercise so this is an easy one to buy. I mean sure some people do it if they are trying to lose weight, but I don't know anyone who does it just to do it. So if they don't do it, I don't need to right? Wrong. Daily exercise is key to getting and staying fit. I want to be able to remain limber and able to keep up with Jackson as he gets bigger.
And you want to know the saddest and biggest lie of all? Those of you who are naturally slim probably won't understand this, but those of you heavier like me might. I think I actually deserve to able to eat junk. And not just occasionally but like 3 times a day. Oh this one hurts to admit, that there are many days where I will eat out at fast food or a restaurant for every meal. Biscuit in the morning, burger at lunch and say mexican for dinner. Course that doesn't add in any sweets I decide that I deserve. I decide I deserve these things, because I had a bad day or even a good day, or I don't have time to do anything else or I forgot my breakfast or lunch or I am too tired to do dinner. Do you see the lies in there? And besides the impact on my waistline if you figure I do this every weekday for a month (not that I do/did this but for example sake) at $5 a meal. That is roughly $300!!! Ugh if that doesn't make your stomach hurt who knows what will.
I said naturally slim earlier and I want to say I live with one of those gifted people. My husband is and has always been slim - no matter what he eats. Believe me he is right there with me at the mexican restaurant eating the chips and cheese dip. His waist doesn't grow, he doesn't get an extra chin, nothing. So as hard as he may try he doesn't understand the struggles I have been through. On top of all that, he is so easy going even when I tell him not to let me eat out anymore, then if I ask him to pick something up on the way home he does it. So that means that my health falls to me. All me. I have to be the one to say no and to make sure I get the proper nutrients; I have to put on my shoes and walk around the block. No one else can make me healthier.
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